Daughter-in-law regifted a handbag to me that I gave to her

My daughter-in-law is extremely close to her family, and although she tries to show affection for us, it’s only out of obligation. A few years ago, I purchased a very expensive handbag (which I couldn’t afford) as a Christmas gift for her. On occasions I’ve been asked to clean their house and while cleaning, I’ve seen the handbag in her closet.

This past Christmas, I received the same bag from her. It is obvious what transpired: While she and my son bought luxurious gifts for her family, she went shopping in her closet for me.

She’s a good person but can be manipulative and narcissistic at times. I feel disrespected and unappreciated for everything I do for them (which is a lot). I would like to address her (or the two of them) about this, but I’m not sure how.

A part of me just wants to put the bag back in their closet to see whether I receive it a second time, or to give her instructions on how to properly “regift,” such as putting the name of the person on the article, so you don’t regift it back to them.

I cannot use the bag, because every time I see it, I am reminded of how little I meant to them. How should I address this?

Mother-in-law makes my graduation about my husband

I recently graduated with my master’s degree. My mother and mother-in-law flew separately to my graduation from the other side of the country. I am grateful they both came, but while my MIL was here she made repeated comments that I felt put down my degree. She said that my graduation ceremony was really for my husband because he supported me through school.

While he did work full-time to support us, I also worked while attending school full-time. She gave him a graduation gift, as well as a shirt that said, “I survived my wife’s graduate degree.” I was shocked and hurt by this, and she kept encouraging him to wear it on my actual graduation day. I found the shirt offensive because it trivialized my accomplishments into something that was apparently extremely difficult for him.

After the fact, I told my husband how I felt (through tears) but he told me that while he could see my point, it was just a joke. For the remainder of the visit, she continued to ask him to wear the shirt, but he continued to dodge the question and not wear it because he knew it made me upset. I tried to grin and bear it, but I was deeply hurt and felt mocked. She has had a pattern of making little negative comments about my degree and future job.

I want to address this, but it’s been a few weeks now and I feel weird calling her to tell her how I feel after the fact. I do appreciate all the effort she put in coming to attend, but at the end of the day, my feelings were still hurt. How could I call and explain my feelings to her?

Everyone at work gets celebrations except me

I work with wonderful people. There are a dozen of us on the team. We work well together and genuinely enjoy one another’s company and friendship. When someone has a baby, we throw a shower. For a milestone anniversary with the company, we celebrate that. When someone is ill, we provide support. When someone leaves the company, we bid a fond farewell. Birthdays often involve surprise treats. We get together for lunch. We go to movies. We laugh a lot. It’s all great, and I’ve always happily participated in and contributed to these things.
Alas, I’ve never been on the receiving end of any of it. My milestone anniversary with the company passed without note, as did a milestone birthday. When I had major surgery … nothing. Today I received an invitation to contribute to a group housewarming gift for one of my colleagues. Normally, I would be all in. The thing is, I moved to a new house five months ago. All of my co-workers know this. And yet they didn’t band together for a gift.

I am confident that I’m well-liked and respected, but I can’t figure out why I’m not on the collective radar. I find myself really annoyed by this. Should I just let it go, or can you offer any advice on how to let them know that this is kind of hurtful and insensitive (without actually saying that, of course!)?

I’m planning to retire from this company within the next few years, and I’m already expecting (and pre-disappointed) that it will be a nonevent.

Dad is always on his phone when he is with the kids

My husband and I have two children under the age of 3. Most of the time when my husband watches the kids, he is on his phone. Even when our 11-month-old is practicing walking, he holds her by the arm as he walks with his eyes glued to his other hand, which is holding his phone. If I say something, he gets all defensive.

With our first child, I called him a bad dad because he was always on his phone or just holding him watching television (basically not interacting with his child). He was very hurt by this and said I was out of line and disrespectful for saying it.

Honestly, I would not mind as much if he was doing something productive on the phone for the family (such as looking up recipes, researching something that broke or planning a family trip), but it is just videos or Reddit.

To make me more upset, he does not consider this to be “free time.” He would like one to two hours a day. (I think we all would.) “Free time” for him, or “personal care,” as he calls it, is no kids while relaxing and watching videos. Free time for me is taking a shower with no kids or taking them on a walk. (I am a stay-at-home parent.)

I am just struggling with how to explain to him that your kids are here now, not on a screen. We did go to marriage counseling for a year, but it did not work so well. It turned into: If I am struggling, then I need to pay for help or depend on my family, because my expectations are higher than his.

How can I make studying a daily habit?

When you do things at the same time every day, it is easier to remember to do them.
To determine how much time you should set aside each day to study, multiply your grade level by 10 minutes.
That means if you’re in third grade, you would plan to spend about 30 minutes per day studying. This can include the time you spend practicing your reading. If you’re in eighth grade, you would spend 80 minutes per day – that is, one hour and 20 minutes – studying.
Research suggests that two hours is the maximum amount of daily studying time that is beneficial. Spending more time than that on a regular basis can cause stress, anxiety and possibly disturb healthy sleep habits.
So choose a single block of time during the afternoon or evening when you will have the right amount of time to study every day.
There may be days when your assignments do not fill the full block of time that you have set. On those days, you should spend time reviewing material that you’ve already studied; regularly going back over information helps you remember it and think about how to integrate it with the new things you’re learning.
You also can spend those extra minutes reading a book. Studies show a daily habit of reading for 20 minutes will improve your vocabulary, language skills and overall knowledge.

Tips on Becoming a Running Novelist

After I closed my bar, I thought I’d change my lifestyle entirely, so we moved out to Narashino, in Chiba Prefecture. At the time it was pretty rural, and there weren’t any decent sports facilities around. But they did have roads. There was a Self-Defense Force base nearby, so they kept the roads well maintained for their vehicles. And luckily there was also a training ground in the neighborhood owned by Nihon University, and if I went early in the morning I could freely use—or perhaps I should say borrow without permission—their track. So I didn’t have to think too much about which sport to choose—not that I had much of a choice—when I decided to go running.

Not long after that I also gave up smoking. Giving up smoking was a kind of natural result of running every day. It wasn’t easy to quit, but I couldn’t very well keep on smoking and continue running. This natural desire to run even more became a powerful motivation for me to not go back to smoking, and a great help in overcoming the withdrawal symptoms. Quitting smoking was like a symbolic gesture of farewell to the life I used to lead.

Exercising within 2-3 hours of bedtime

Our core body temperature varies, but tends to be higher later in the day. It rises until about 10:30 pm at night then it falls, and when it falls, that’s a signal to your brain to release melatonin. Being outdoors in summer weather and hot indoor environments (like that sweaty group fitness room at the gym) can make it harder for us to cool down.

Exercising also raises the body’s core temperature and it can remain raised for hours after our workout ends. "If you're too hot, you don’t get the melatonin release and that can inhibit your sleep," he explains.

Avoid exercising too close to bedtime, probably about two and a half to three hours before bed.
Keep your bedroom temperature at about 18 to 20 degrees at night, which is optimal for sleeping. During the summer, use air conditioning, fans and window shades to keep the bedroom cooler.

My son is invited only to the wedding ceremony — not the reception

My niece lives 10 states away and is getting married.

Her invitation stated that my 17-year-old son was invited only to the wedding ceremony — not the reception.

I told her that we would not be spending thousands of dollars (flights, hotel, rental car, gifts) for a 15-minute ceremony.

Her response was, “You can come, and he can sit in the hotel.”

I said that we were still not coming. And (I told her), “By the way — that was so rude.”

Now her parents are angry, and others in the family are weighing in.

We’re still not going to this wedding, as I am still not going to make my son sit in a motel room.

How do I make this situation better?

I am struggling to make myself leave the house

I am stuck in a deep hole. I didn’t think the covid lockdown would affect me much because I am an introvert and a homebody, but I am finding it difficult to make myself leave the house. I only go to the grocery store and to my doctors’ offices, and occasionally to a family member’s house.

One factor is that I moved to a new town just a couple of months before covid hit, so I don’t have any local friends. I am retired, so I don’t have any work buddies. I know that joining groups is a good way to meet people.

I joined a church but rarely go. I “plan to” join a quilting club and get together with a group that plays an augmented reality game I used to play all the time.

My husband sometimes suggests we go somewhere, but when I think about going out my stomach tightens, and I feel like I want to cry. How do I get past this?

Should I tell my cousin her dad isn’t her biological father?

My uncle has four daughters, each about two years apart in age, but his oldest daughter never really fit in. Their mom obsessed over the three younger girls and mostly ignored her eldest.

As adults, the three younger sisters learned from a drunken aunt that their dad isn’t the oldest daughter’s biological father. It turns out their mom was pregnant with her when she met her husband (in a bar). The daughters are all now in their 50s and for decades everyone in the family has known — except her.

I’ve always believed that someone should tell her. Her father and sisters have said it wasn’t their secret to tell — it was her mom’s, who died two years ago.

In the past few years, the oldest daughter has cut off all ties to her family. When she didn’t go to her mom’s funeral, her father cut her out of his will without telling her.

There are complicated family dynamics, to put it mildly (her mom was a severe alcoholic and emotionally abusive). I’m just a cousin, but I believe that someone should tell her.

It may be because I’m adopted, but I think that her DNA is something she/anyone should know, especially since dozens of other people know about it.

Should I be the one to tell her?