Husband of 45 years wants to deepen friendship with a single woman

My husband of 45 years recently came to me with a proposal. He wants to deepen a friendship with a single woman 20 years younger.

He says she lifts his spirits, is creative, and is a great mom to her children.

Their conversations are lively and interesting, and he finds that he wants to be around her more often.

I was flabbergasted and hurt to the core. To me, this is an emotional affair. Because of my reaction, he has labeled me as lacking self-esteem and accuses me of not trusting him.

Am I overreacting to this proposal, or am I being perfectly reasonable?

How do you get alone time during a friends’ vacation?

My husband and I have wonderful friends: a husband and wife, and their 20-year-old daughter. They live on a gorgeous island, and several times each year, we vacation together in each other’s homes. These visits usually last 7 to 10 days, and during this time, we shop, talk and eat meals together. We always have a lovely time.

The problem is, I often feel the need each day to withdraw and recharge my batteries. After a full day of being social, I crave some privacy. I don't mind my husband's company, but I find that too much of a good thing is, well, too much.

When the visits occur in my home, it’s not too bad for me. I can retire to my room, or read a book, and I usually can have time on my own. When we visit them, however, I feel as though they are trying too hard to dazzle me. They schedule a variety of activities, and I frequently feel obligated to participate.

I have told our friends that, going forward, I really would not mind taking a room in a hotel, or renting a private home during our visits, and sleeping there instead. I did make it seem as though I was suggesting doing so for their convenience, as I could not find the words to express my issue without sounding rude. I do love these people dearly, but I no longer want to endure feeling drained when I know it is not necessary.

Please help.

Widowed man falls for his sister-in-law

I am a 60-year-old widowed man. My wife of over 30 years passed away four years ago after a long illness.

My late wife’s sister and I started spending time together about six months ago. We have many shared interests and have always gotten along very well. She has been divorced for several years.

Our relationship has turned romantic, and we are in love. We discuss our future together and want to make this work. So far, we have kept our relationship a secret. There are adult children on both sides. There are several family members, along with our children, whom we will have to tell.

Are we wrong in pursuing this? How should we tell our children and other family members? We’re concerned that even one unaccepting person may be the grounds to break this up and cause years of tension. My marriage was wonderful, and all the family relations on both sides are great — for now.

Your advice?

My future in-laws won’t pay for the wedding if my hair is dyed

I am a 30-year-old woman. I’ve been with my fiancé for almost seven years. When we first met, my hair was platinum blonde. Now that I am a hairstylist, I enjoy playing around with my hair color and have come to love dark blue. I’ve been blue for a few years and it didn’t seem like a big deal.

Yesterday, my fiancé broke the news to me that his parents are refusing to pay for the wedding venue if my hair is anything except my natural color. I was completely taken aback.

There’s a laundry list: They don’t approve of my tattoos, my recent weight gain due to some serious health issues (I had discussed my health problems privately with his mother), and that I’m not making as much money as I should be (hairstylists are struggling because we’re in a recession).

This family has been loving toward me this entire relationship, and all of a sudden I’ve found out how they really feel. I feel crushed. They were too cowardly to talk to me about their objections and instead put their son into a tough position.

I’m angry. His mom has been extremely apologetic to me (through text), but I honestly don’t want anything to do with them. My fiancé feels the same way. It’s to the point that we’re about to elope without telling anyone.

Is it wrong of me to stand my ground and say no to his parents? I appreciate them helping with the wedding, but I don’t want the help if they have stipulations. I need some insight from an outside source, thank you!

Binkist account

I've obtained a premium account on Blinkist.com, and I just finished reading the summary of a book named 'Jog On' by Bella Mackie. The book is about the writer who had been suffering from mental health issues for a long time and realized that running can help her. After that, she has been running for at least an hour every morning for the past six years. The rest of the book discusses scientific facts that explain how running or jogging can help people overcome their mental health problems.

I like it because I can put myself in the same situation this book describes. In the COVID era, I experienced stress, anxiety, and even panic attacks. The book compares the symptoms of a panic attack and a running exercise and says both cause a racing heart, sweaty palms, and adrenaline release, so a runner is familiar with these symptoms and can handle such situations. Besides that, exercising can reduce the level of cortisol, a stress hormone, in the blood.

I recommend this book and running.

Amir and Esperanto

Amir is a friend of mine who wants to immigrate to Australia, and language is a significant challenge for him. It's not just challenging for Amir, but for others who didn't attend English private schools during their childhood. Unfortunately, Iran's public education system is, frankly, ineffective. After 12 years of attending school and studying English there, if you want to learn English, you basically have to start from scratch.

Amir has been studying English for a few months, and he often complains about it. He wonders why English is so difficult, why it has so many exceptions, why letters have different sounds in different situations, why English isn't a phonetic language, why there are so many words for the same thing, and why English has so many grammar rules that Persian lacks. It's a series of 'whys.'

Today, I was reading about Esperanto, and it reminded me of Amir's complaints. Unlike English, Esperanto is a phonetic language with no exceptions. People can become fluent in Esperanto five times faster than in Spanish, which is much easier than English.

But here's the question: Why don't we see authors writing books in Esperanto or traders choosing Esperanto as their primary communication language? What's your opinion on this?

RE

There are a lot of English words that begin with 're'. In some cases re is a suffix that conveys a sense of repetition to the original word and, in other cases the word without re is meaningless or have completely different meanings.
I've thought that relax is in the second group but I've recently seen the word 'lax,' and I realized it relates to 'relax.'
It means: not strict or careful enough about standards of behavior, work, safety etc.
As you can see, the word 'lax' has a negative meaning, which is the opposite of the word 'relax'.

How do I talk to my husband about his weight gain?

My husband and I have been married for nine years. When we were newly married, we had the luxury of running after work and hiking on the weekends. We did not have a lot of stress.

Fast-forward to two kids, a home, careers and a life out of balance — and my husband has gained about 60 pounds. I am not judging him, because I completely understand the problem of stress eating, aging and having too little time to work out. I’ll love him no matter what.

My issue is his health. I’m terrified of him having a heart attack or a stroke. He is a smart guy and knows he needs to lose weight, but the problem is that he won’t try. He eats bags of cookies, brownies and fast food. He refuses to go to the doctor, because he says he “needs to lose weight first,” but he won’t make the effort to do so. He hasn’t had a physical in more than seven years.

I cannot bring myself to tell him that he really needs to lose weight, because I don’t want to make him feel worse than I know he already does. I’m guessing it’s partially an emotional issue. It’s getting to the point where something has to change.

How do I address this with him without making him feel ashamed or judged?

Pronounciation of Roman numerals

I bet you know Roman numerals 1 to 12. You saw them in old-fashioned clocks in your grandparents' house.

But how should we pronounce them? For example, how does the number III sound? /aɪaɪaɪ/? No, no, no.  🙅🏽‍♂️ Actually, they are NOT English letters; they're Latin. So they are pronounced differently.

You can learn their pronunciation at this URL

Maybe you're wondering why I tried to learn them. That's a good question. Be curious. 🧐 I was reading and listening to a passage from the book 'Inside Reading 3,' and the narrator pronounced 'Galleria Vittorio Emanuele II' in a way that I didn't expect...

Notice the pronunciation of seven, eight, nine, and ten in Latin.

Extroverted mom worries for her introverted daughter

We have a 15-year-old daughter who is very introverted. She is happiest being home alone. She has a group of friends she has known for about nine years, and the eight of them often do things together. As they have grown up, the other girls have branched out into sports and other time-intensive hobbies, while my daughter prefers to spend time drawing and painting.

She will go in on group activities, but usually only if her one best friend is there with her. Otherwise, she prefers to stay home. My husband has a similar introverted and loner personality. I, on the other hand, like to see friends and family a few times a week.

I can’t help but feel anxious about her not having friends, because it reminds me of feeling left out in my teen and young adult years. She truly seems not to seek others out.

How can I relax and be sure that she isn’t me and that she is content with being more alone?